a post on capitalism and socialism

i am reading about theodor w. adorno on wikipedia. this sentence made me feel certain things:
"Adorno [...] argued that advanced capitalism had managed to contain or liquidate the forces that would bring about its collapse and that the revolutionary moment, when it would have been possible to transform it into socialism, had passed."

the sentence is written in such a way as though it seems that capitalism is self-aware and malicious, deliberately killing its rivals. it makes me feel completely powerless as it makes the future appear arbitrary and pre-determined.

consciously i think that "i am completely free", but then when i think harder i realise that i feel compelled to do a variety of things that i would rather not do. i would rather not be selfish and i would rather not be worried about death and i would rather not want to own things and control things. i would rather live in a society where everyone respects everything else and everybody conforms because there is no reason not to conform because "individuality" just makes people more lonely because it makes it harder for one person to understand another person because there is no common ground.

i wanted to make this post humorous in some way so that it doesn't seem stupid but then i thought "that is exactly what capitalism would have wanted", so this post is deliberately humorless so as not to play into capitalism's hands.

i will probably re-write this and string it out and publish it as a non-fiction hard-cover book and make money from my crippling discontent.