they saved their marriage

‘This is completely absurd,’ the man protested. ‘You want to strip search me because I have black hair?’

One of the guards frowned and shrugged. ‘It’s a new world we’re living in, sir. A strange and uncertain world.’

‘Yes.’

Once finally on the plane, the man’s wife asked for cashew nuts.

‘I’m sorry, but those specific nuts can be used to make bombs,’ said the air hostess. ‘We can no longer provide cashew nuts on this flight.’

‘How absurd,’ the man’s wife said. ‘First my husband is strip searched and now I can’t eat cashews. I feel disappointed. Do you at least offer refresher towels?’

‘Sorry. Scented moisture towelettes can also be used for bomb manufacture.’

The man and his wife both shook their heads in frustration but then the man smirked almost imperceptibly to his wife. The air hostess left.

‘It wasn’t a full cavity search,’ the man whispered. ‘I shall go to the bathroom.’

In the bathroom, the man made a bomb from internally smuggled cashew nuts and refresher towels and used it as a means to hijack the plane. He flew the plane around in circles aimlessly.

‘This is just like Microsoft Flight Simulator,’ said the man. He let his wife have a go at steering.

They landed the plane in Hawaii. The man and the woman felt exceedingly enthusiastic about the successful landing. They clinked their pina coladas on the beach and walked along the shoreline until sunset, and the air was just warm enough.

i will try to make no moral judgments about anything

i am listening to an american band on my ipod. they sound incredibly sad. the drummer takes vitamin supplements. they no longer like the music that they make anymore but are afraid of breaking up the band because they don't want to get "real" jobs and feel old.

on the table next to my bed i have placed the tibetan book of the dead face upwards at a slight angle. i think i have deliberately put it there so that whenever somebody comes into my bedroom they will be impressed and think that i am incredibly spiritual. it is next to an elephant. the elephant is next to a woman with hoop earrings.

the books i buy, i buy from a multinational chain store. this is because i can't find them anywhere else. i wonder whether the authors are happy or sad that i have done this, bought their book from a chain store instead of an independent bookseller. this makes me wonder whether i should care about drinking coffee from starbucks so long as it tastes good and the store has good ambience. terrorists should perhaps be less discriminating and buy their coffee from starbucks and just concentrate on the flavour of the bean.

once i talked to somebody who told me that god invented cows so that we could eat them. this comment made me angry and disappointed in this person and the human race. i hoped another species would eat this person in front of me so that i could say "god must have invented you so that you could be eaten." then this other species would eat me. it would feel noble if the way i died was as another species' dinner.