patently untrue stupid story about different people

When I was in my last year of high school, my older sister drove my dad’s car into a tree.

She sent me a mobile phone message at two thirty in the morning which said, “matt i am fucked, what should i do, i crashed the car”. I was still awake studying for my finishing exams and I had eaten some caffeine tablets and was feeling very awake so I drove my bike all the way down to where she was.

There wasn’t an ambulance or anybody else there. It was just my sister standing by the side of the car and slamming the roof of the car with her fist. The front of the car was all smashed up into the base of a tree. It was pretty dark.

“That was stupid,” I said.

“Shut up,” my sister said.

“Are you drunk?” I said.

“No,” she said.

“Are you lying?” I said.

My sister walked around to the front of the car and looked at the bonnet, which was crumpled. She lay her arms on the bonnet and put her head on top of her arms and didn’t say anything. I thought about my exams and how studies show that falling into regular sleeping patterns allow one to perform at one’s intellectual peak.

“I have an exam on Thursday,” I said. “I need to fall into a regular sleeping pattern.”

“What should I do?” said my sister.

“I think that you should get a job so that you can pay for the damage. That’s what I think.”

“No way,” said my sister. “It’s their fault. They didn’t buy me a car. If they had bought me a car like I asked them to then I wouldn’t have fucked up their car.”

“What,” I said.

“This car is really badly made. The steering is shit. If they bought me my a BMW this wouldn’t have happened. BMWs are better.”

“You’re drunk,” I said.

My sister took my bicycle and tried to ride away on it but she couldn’t steer properly and kept falling over.

“You work this out,” said my sister.

“I am confused now,” I said.