rhombus trapezoid disaster blog

new blog

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:05:00 +0000

connortomas.blogspot.com

i am sorry for being frustratingly annoying and making you update your bookmarks or whatever.

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 13:20:00 +0000

julian opens an email and the title of the email is ‘i love you’. inside the email is an attachment, and julian opens the attachment and his computer hard drive is erased.

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samuel is typing on instant messenger to a girl that is very beautiful. the girl types, ‘i love you’ and then types, ‘wrong window’.

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jemima says to colin, ‘let me trace something on your back with my fingers and you need to try to work out what i traced.’ colin thinks that jemima has traced ‘i love you’ but isn’t very sure and jemima says, ‘guess.’

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christopher is very drunk and writes a facebook comment to lauren that says ‘i love you’. the next morning christopher wakes up very early to delete the comment and lauren is already online and christopher is very happy and afraid.

i am holding you and you are holding me and we are holding one another and it feels nice

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 04:50:00 +0000

Jeffrey stood out the front of Sarah’s house with a Valium tablet and a bottle of gin. Jeffrey felt like he wanted to get ‘fucked up’ with Sarah, and he hoped that Sarah wanted to get as ‘fucked up’ as he did.
Sarah opened the door. “Go into my room.”
Jeffrey sat on Sarah’s bed and looked at Sarah’s photographs. There were boxes of photographs of the same few people. Sarah was ‘against digital’. In some of the photographs, there was a girl with a nostril piercing, big teeth, deep-set eyes, and a huge forehead. A ‘mystery girl.’ The mystery girl’s face was so perfectly out-of-proportion, it was wondrous. ‘Complex’.
Sarah poured the gin and Jeffrey took his Valium tablet and drank some gin also.
That morning, Jeffrey had thought about killing himself, in a lazy, abstract way. He felt as though his life had become a television show which had gone on for one season too many. He felt as though his life needed a dramatic ‘plot twist’.
After a while, a feeling of uncaringness washed over Jeffrey. Sarah said she felt “almost too drunk to fuck”, and laughed. Jeffrey thought about crawling over to Sarah and becoming amorous with Sarah in her bed. There was something ‘going on’ between Jeffrey and Sarah. Jeffrey thought of Sarah as his ‘unspoken lover’.
Sarah said, “I don’t want Corinna to go away.” Jeffrey hugged Sarah. Jeffrey thought, ‘a sentimental moment’.
“I don’t feel anxious at all right now,” said Jeffrey. “My head feels clear, my senses heightened.”
“I feel sad,” said Sarah.
Sarah left the room and Jeffrey began reading Lonely Planet: Europe on a Shoestring. Jeffrey thought about climbing the Eiffel Tower with the mystery girl, watching the mystery girl chew on a baguette with her big teeth, and kissing the mystery girl’s huge forehead in a Parisian-style café.
Jeffrey felt lusty and contented. Jeffrey fell unconscious.
When Jeffrey woke up it was 4 o’clock in the morning and Sarah was sitting in her bed. Sarah was wearing her best shoes.
“My sister cut herself again and we had to take her to the hospital,” Sarah said.
Jeffrey thought, ‘The plot thickens’ and felt neutral.
Jeffrey crawled up to the bed and spooned Sarah. Sarah cried a little bit. Jeffrey thought about becoming amorous with Sarah but decided against it on the grounds that it would end up ‘awkward’ later on.
Jeffrey thought about severe depression. Sarah’s sister’s severe depression. Sarah’s severe depression. His own severe depression. His mother’s severe depression. Everybody’s severe depression.
Jeffrey felt severely happy spooning Sarah, and slipped into sleep.

**

Jeffrey drove Sarah to Corinna’s going-away party.
“Everybody is leaving and soon you and I will be the only people left in this city and it will be shitty and I will kill myself.”
Jeffrey ate a water cracker. The room was dimly lit with candles, and people were sectioned off into enclaves. Corinna’s boyfriend Caleb was drinking vodka alone in the kitchen. People were getting stoned in Corinna’s empty room. Radiohead was playing on the stereo. Corinna’s suitcases were packed and sitting by the front door.
“Why will you and I be the last people still here?” said Jeffrey.
“Because you need a certain level of self-esteem to be able to leave the city in which you were born,” said Sarah.
Jeffrey often thought about how perfect life could be elsewhere, in a city with a high population density and easy access to recreational drugs.
Jeffrey and Sarah walked into the kitchen to talk to Caleb. Caleb hugged Sarah and Jeffrey and said, “My lifelines.”
Sarah went to the front porch and started smoking a cigarette. Jeffrey talked to Caleb some more, and then went out to the front porch to have a cigarette. Sarah hugged Jeffrey’s arm and they both looked at the rainy mist hanging off the street lights. It was ‘spectacularly mundane’.
“Everybody here is depressed,” said Jeffrey.
“Happiness is circular,” said Sarah. “As soon as you become too happy you end up feeling awful. Everybody is suffering from overabundant happiness.”
“If we go to New York City we could probably always be happy,” said Jeffrey.
“Do you think Caleb will be okay?” said Sarah.
“He will have an intense mental breakdown and will come out of it a ‘better stronger person’,” said Jeffrey.
“That’s what we all need,” said Sarah.

**

Jeffrey sat in his room and ate a banana and drank instant coffee. He checked his GMail account again for a message from Sarah. He checked his Facebook account for a message from Sarah. He checked his Myspace account for a message from Sarah. He checked his mobile phone for a message from Sarah. He checked his blog for a message for Sarah but remembered that Sarah did not read his blog. Sarah was ‘against digital’.
Jeffrey felt depressed and sat in his bed and watched internet videos for two hours. Then he read AIEOU, a graphic novel by Jeffrey Brown. Then he read a short story on bearcreekfeed written by Kendra Grant Malone. Then he went for a walk and smoked a cigarette, his ‘last ever cigarette’.
Jeffrey realised that he had only spoken seven words in the past twenty-four hours. Jeffrey wondered whether loneliness was ‘necessary for spiritual and artistic development’, or on the other hand, whether loneliness was ‘a leading factor in the onset of mental illness.’
Jeffrey looked up ‘loneliness’ on Wikipedia.
Jeffrey wondered why he was becoming so obsessed with Sarah that it was making him feel depressed. Jeffrey realised that he had not sent Sarah a message over the past two days because he did not want to appear ‘needy’, but was feeling depressed because Sarah had not sent him a message over the past two days. ‘Hey, hey, it goes both ways’.
Jeffrey wondered whether he and Sarah were both secretly lonely and in love with one another.

**

Jeffrey had coffee with Alex.
Alex said, “Do you like my new jacket? It’s Prada. It cost $700 but I can afford it.”
Alex was Jeffrey’s ‘awkward and desperate friend’.
Jeffrey often met up with Alex when he was feeling very lonely and depressed in order to feel much better about himself.
Alex said, “I think my phone is broken or something because nobody ever returns my calls.”
Jeffrey looked at Alex and felt better about himself.
Jeffrey was Alex’s ‘dismissive and disrespectful friend’.
Jeffrey and Alex were friends.

**

The party was a ‘stereotypical house party’. Jeffrey wasn’t sure whose house it was or how he had been invited. Jeffrey only knew five people at the stereotypical house party. Jeffrey immediately judged that a lot of the people at the stereotypical house party were ‘douchebags’. Jeffrey sat next to Sarah and drank vodka. Even after five drinks, most of the people still looked like ‘douchebags’.
One of the people at the house party was the mystery girl with the nostril piercing from the photographs. The girl with the ‘complex’ face. Jeffrey felt excited to see the girl. Jeffrey was excited that the mystery girl was real and not imaginary.
Nearly all of the ‘guys’ at the stereotypical house party were trying to stand as close as possible to the mystery girl. Jeffrey felt disappointed because he realised that she was most definitely ‘out of his league’.
Sarah saw Jeffrey looking at the mystery girl and said, “She has very low self-esteem.”
Jeffrey wasn’t sure whether Sarah was negatively judging the mystery girl, or making a neutral observation, or trying to imply to Jeffrey that the mystery girl was ‘easy’.
Jeffrey said, “I like girls with low self-esteem. Not only girls. People. I like people with low self-esteem.”
Jeffrey had another ‘shot’ of vodka and walked over to the mystery girl.
Jeffrey made small-talk with the mystery girl. ‘Jemima’. Every time the mystery girl looked at him, he felt invincible, as though he could go out into the wilderness and defeat a huge bear in straight-out hand-to-hand combat. The mystery girl’s mouth was big but it did not look ‘weird’. Jeffrey wanted to feel the mystery girl’s big but not ‘weird’ mouth on his mouth. The mystery girl moved her head closer to Jeffrey’s neck and Jeffrey could feel the warmth of her huge forehead against his normal-sized neck. The mystery girl whispered things into Jeffrey’s ear that Jeffrey did not really listen to because he was too busy feeling validated by the mystery girl’s affection. Jeffrey felt like a parking ticket about to be stamped. Jeffrey said, “Would you like a drink?” and the mystery girl said, “Yes” in a quiet voice. A ‘low-self esteem voice’.
When Jeffrey was in the kitchen, somebody said, “She has a boyfriend you know,” and Jeffrey said, “Okay.” Somebody said, “Doesn’t that matter to you, guy?” and Jeffrey said, “Maybe.” Somebody said, “Her boyfriend is here,” and pointed to the window. Jeffrey looked out of the window and could see the mystery girl’s boyfriend walking over to the mystery girl. Jeffrey couldn’t properly see whether the mystery girl’s boyfriend was a ‘douchebag’ or not.
Jeffrey sat back down next to Sarah.
Sarah said, “If you love me we should get married.”
Sarah said, “This guy out back let me snort something with an American dollar bill.”
Jeffrey thought about fighting the mystery girl’s boyfriend for ‘possession’ of the mystery girl but he decided against it on the grounds that he would probably lose the fight and also that women should not be ‘objectified’.
Jeffrey saw Alex sitting alone by himself in a corner. Jeffrey felt better about himself, but then felt guilty about using Alex to feel better about himself. The ‘needy friend’ being used by the ‘dismissive friend’. Jeffrey felt as though he and Alex were really in the ‘very same boat’ as one another. Jeffrey felt as though every single human being in existence was really in the ‘very same boat’ as one another. Jeffrey thought, ‘The entire universe has a personality disorder.’
Jeffrey felt an amplified feeling of neutrality. Amplified happiness cancelling out amplified sadness cancelling out amplified anger cancelling out amplified lust, leaving a strong feeling of bursting.
Jeffrey walked over to Alex and said, “I love you” and was not sure whether he was being ‘serious’ or ‘sarcastic’.
Alex said, “Thank you.”
Jeffrey said, “Would you like to come back to my house now?”
Alex said, “Okay.”
Jeffrey said, “I will be five minutes.”
Jeffrey wanted to leave the stereotypical house party with Sarah and Alex and have sex with Sarah and Alex. A threesome. He was sure that Sarah was ‘up for it’. He wanted to have sex with Alex to make Alex feel better about life. He felt like having a threesome with Alex would be like performing a charity act for Alex, but not really.
Jeffrey sat back down next to where he had left his glass of vodka.
Sarah kissed Jeffrey on the mouth.
Sarah sat on Jeffrey’s lap and kissed Jeffrey on the mouth. Sarah’s mouth was small and nice. Jeffrey felt things happening to him. Jeffrey thought about the mystery girl and Sarah. Jeffrey could not work out whether or not the mystery girl was ‘better’ than Sarah. Jeffrey could not work out whether Sarah was the most beautiful girl in the world, or whether the mystery girl was the most beautiful girl in the world. Jeffrey could not work out whether Sarah and the mystery girl were really the same person in two different bodies.
Sarah said, “I think we should get married.”
Jeffrey was not sure whether Sarah was being ‘serious’ or ‘sarcastic’.
Jeffrey saw Caleb over the other side of the room talking to a couple of people. Jeffrey thought Caleb looked like he was about to have a mental breakdown, or maybe not. Jeffrey thought Caleb looked like he was pining for Corinna.
‘Life is very sad and very beautiful.’
Jeffrey thought about going to Paris with the mystery girl (‘Jemima’) and watching the mystery girl eat a baguette with her big teeth. Jeffrey thought about going to Paris with Sarah and watching Sarah eat a baguette with her small teeth. Jeffrey thought about going to Paris with Alex and using Alex to feel better about himself in a Parisian-style café.
Jeffrey thought about going to sleep and then waking up and going to sleep again and again forever, and never getting out of his bed, how that would be the best possible ‘solution’ to life.
‘Even though all things in existence are equal in value, it is impossible not to have values, to put one thing arbitrarily above another thing. It is impossible to exist neutrally. Even though reality is undifferentiated, no human being can see that reality is undifferentiated without feeling extreme depression, alienation, and loneliness. The only way to live happily is to hold an arbitrary system of values.’
Jeffrey kissed Sarah.
Jeffrey thought, “Everybody is leaving and soon we will be the only people left.”
Jeffrey looked at the mystery girl with her ‘douchebag’ boyfriend.
The mystery girl looked at Jeffrey instead of looking at her ‘douchebag’ boyfriend.
Jeffrey looked at Alex.
Caleb could not look at Corinna.
Caleb loved Corinna.
Corinna loved the city of Melbourne.
Jeffrey loved Caleb.
Jeffrey pitied Alex.
Jeffrey loved Alex.
Alex loved Caleb.
The mystery girl loved her ‘douchebag’ boyfriend.
The mystery girl hated her ‘douchebag’ boyfriend.
The mystery girl loved Jeffrey.
Sarah loved Jeffrey.
Sarah thought the mystery girl had ‘low self-esteem’.
Jeffrey felt severe depression.
Jeffrey felt severe happiness.

It is only possible to write honestly about your own personal experiences

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 07:37:00 +0000

It is only possible to write honestly about your own personal experiences. It is impossible to write about a person who is not ‘YOU’. If you have not experienced a certain situation you should not write about that situation. If you attempt to write about a situation you have not experienced, your account of that situation will definitely devalue the real experience. (Not even the most ‘skilful’ writer can write about a situation they have not experienced without devaluing the real experience.) No matter how thoroughly you research an experience (addiction, depression, criminality, sexuality, poverty, anxiety, religiosity, parenthood, marriage, or war), you will always be on the ‘outside’, and from the outside, you ‘can’t see shit’. It is more interesting to read a ‘brutally honest’ account of your very dull existence than to read a dishonest, made-up story about a drug-addicted, poverty-stricken sexual deviant that is not at all ‘YOU’. If you think you have nothing left to write about, look more carefully at your experiences, and have more experiences.

a complete and utter nightmare

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 04:04:00 +0000

the feeling of ‘using something up’ is a very odd sensation that means that we will not be friends two years from today

after i listen to a song one hundred and eighty times

i am very bored

i chain-smoke eight hundred menthol cigarettes and yawn very loudly

my life philosophy

is based on the fact that plastic water bottles can become very toxic

when re-used on numerous occasions

when i tell you

that i get tired of people very quickly

you feel sad

but it is true that your presence will very quickly become unbearable

i will talk to you two thousand times and then leave very quickly

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this universe will be completely and utterly destroyed within the next seven hundred thousand seconds and i will receive a rejection letter from an online literary magazine within the next eight hundred thousand seconds

human beings do not notice

when very ugly animals are made extinct

and very soon this world will not exist

on the ‘eve of destruction’

things will resolve into incredibly clarity

and on the ‘eve of destruction’

small pale humans will gorge themselves on perfectly rounded chicken mcnuggets

the next world will be very sad and very beautiful

i will see you in the next world and walk away very quickly

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i have drunk at lot of coffee and now i feel 'okay'

in three hours i will feel very bad

and the rest of my life will be just like this

and this is extremely retarded

i feel a very big connection with a very small retarded moth

and the moth is extremely retarded

if move away from something and close to something else

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:51:00 +0000

Corinna stood in the taxi line and smoked a cigarette. The taxi line was very long. Corinna smoked another cigarette. Corinna thought, “I should just spend the next six months standing in this taxi line chain-smoking cigarettes and then go back to Adelaide.”

Corinna looked at Melbourne through the taxi window. The city looked ‘very nice’. The city looked like a densely-populated twenty-first-century first-world metropolis.

Corinna’s dorm room was very small and empty. Corinna drank 400 millilitres of vodka and passed out on the floor.

‘Everything is coming tomorrow.’

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Corinna thought about Caleb a lot while having sex with Charles. The two predominant thoughts were: ‘I love you Caleb’ and ‘go away Caleb’.

Corinna called Caleb on the telephone two hours after having sex with Charles for the second time.

Caleb said, “Come back to Adelaide, my job is very shitty, I am very lonely, my course is very crappy, do you really love me.”

Corinna made an angry face and said, “Yes.”

Caleb said, “Which question was that an answer for.”

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Corinna though about having sex with Charles and Caleb at the same time and then thought about having sex with nobody ever again for the rest of existence and which one which was better.

Corinna said to Charles, “Do you ever feel very confused or else like a very advanced humanoid robot with an undeveloped capacity for empathy with human beings.”

Charles tweaked Corinna’s nipple very skilfully and fingered Corinna’s vagina very expertly.

Corinna felt 'incredible pleasure'.

Corinna looked into Charles’ left eye and Charles blinked and Corinna thought, “We are both robots and nobody in this room is a human being."

Tao Lin is the 25-year-old 'granddaddy' of the 'internet lit scene'

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:05:00 +0000

{This post is about how I first got to know about Tao Lin, and also Brandon Scott Gorrell. Go to the comments for my list of 'future Tao Lin publicity campaigns'.}

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[HOW I FIRST FOUND OUT ABOUT TAO LIN].
I really can't remember how I first found out about Tao Lin. I wish that I could remember. I think that what happened was that in May 2007 I was going through an extended Miranda July obsession, and in the process of searching 'Miranda July' on Google I found Miranda July's comment about Tao, the one that goes, "Tao Lin writes from moods that less radical writers would let pass—from laziness, from vacancy, from boredom. And it turns out that his report from these places is moving and necessary, not to mention frequently hilarious.” I bookmarked Tao's blog, and every Sunday morning I would sit in bed (hung-over) and make my way through all of Tao's shit-talking, his self-promotional stunts, his poems and short stories.

I printed out Tao's Bear Parade e-book, this emotion was a little e-book and used the stapled-together pages as a bookmark for my assigned university reading. During the more boring lectures I spent a lot of time 'staring at my bookmark'.

In June 2007 I found a YouTube video of Tao reading poetry at Galapagos. I watched the video four times. I was very impressed with Tao's delivery, with his wry monotone. I thought, "I have never seen a person read poetry like this before." I thought, "This person will develop a following."

[MY FIRST TAO LIN BOOK PURCHASE].
Around July 2007, I bought Bed (Tao's book of short stories) from Amazon.com. After reading Bed, I gave it to my ex-girlfriend. Giving Bed to my ex-girlfriend was a sort of post-break-up 'peace offering' (which worked, because we are still friends). My ex-girlfriend and I talked about Bed and I felt happy because she said that she liked it.

After reading Bed, I was very nervous about leaving a comment on Tao's blog. I did not leave a comment on Tao's blog for a long time, then one night I was drunk and I left a stupid comment saying "you are the voice of a generation" or something. The next morning I deleted the comment. I felt very retarded. (Aside: at this point I still didn't have a blog.)

[A LITTLE BIT ABOUT BRANDON SCOTT GORRELL].
For a while I thought that Tao was just 'doing his thing' completely alone. There didn't seem to be any sort of 'scene' forming. Then I found out about Brandon Scott Gorrell's blog from Tao's sidebar. I'm not sure when Tao added Brandon to his blogroll but it must have been sometime around July or later. When I found out about Brandon's blog, I was at first a little cynical. I thought that Brandon was perhaps just trying to 'ape' Tao's style in order to increase his readership, but I could tell after reading a few poems that Brandon was 'authentic'. Brandon really is very much a 'unique entity'. A little while after reading Brandon's blog, I started my own blog.

[WHY TAO LIN IS IMPORTANT].
Tao is an integral 'member' of the 'internet lit scene'. Because Tao has four books published and has had a piece in Vice magazine, he brings a legitimacy to the 'scene' that would otherwise be lacking. Tao has made it 'legitimate' to write neutrally about the seemingly boring and seemingly absurd. Tao has made it 'legitimate' to write about things honestly, simply, and without abstraction. Some shit-talkers reduce Tao to a person who writes 'like a ten-year-old' about hamsters and organic food. Those people are 'missing the point'. Tao's writing is the opposite of simple - it is extraordinarily complex, with nonsense layered on top of sarcasm layered on top of existentialist philosophy layered on top of world-weary cynicism layered on top of a strict utilitarianist worldview. Tao is shit-talked by those who can only see the nonsense and miss everything else. To those who 'get it', Tao truly is a trailblazer.

[THE 'LIT SCENE' TODAY].
Today, the internet lit scene is not so centered around Tao Lin. That is not to say that Tao is losing influence, but simply that others are gaining influence. Blake Butler, Ken Baumann, Shane Jones and Colin Bassett (among others) are getting published by prestigious print journals and publishing houses, and are starting their own journals. Big things are happening. But in my mind, we have Tao almost single-handedly to thank for 'starting the hamster wheel rolling'.

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This blog entry was written for 'Blog about Writers of Serious Literature Day'. A lot of people in the 'online lit scene' have written articles about one another. Here is THE LIST:

Tao Lin blogs about Gene Morgan
Noah Cicero blogs about Shane Jones
Gene Morgan blogs about Noah Cicero
Blake Butler blogs about Mike Bushnell
Jillian Clark blogs about Kathryn Regina
Zachary German blogs about Ryan Manning
Jereme Dean blogs about Blake Butler
Justin Rands blogs about Matthew Savoca
Kathryn Regina blogs about Ryan Manning
Ken Baumann blogs about Jereme Dean
Kendra Grant Malone blogs about Brandon Scott Gorrell
Matthew Savoca blogs about Gena Mohowish
Shane Jones blogs about Jillian Clark
Stephen Daniel Lewis blogs about TTB
Ryan Manning blogs about Tao Lin, Noah Cicero, and Brandon Scott Gorrell
Brandon Scott Gorrell blogs about Colin Bassett
Colin Bassett Blogs about Chris Killen, Zachary German, Connor O'Brien, The Mississippi Review, and has a contest running about the 'most powerful writers of serious literature'
Chris Killen blogs about Ken Baumann
Mike Bushnell blogs about Zachary German
Kathryn Regina blogs about Kendra Grant Malone
Sam Pink blogs about everyone

drunk burp / robot brain

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:30:00 +0000

i have drunk a lot of coffee and it is 1.33am.

i feel as though i need to 'engage' more, with the blogosphere, with the 'real world', with you probably. let's 'engage'. send me an email and we will do a project together or whatever.

human beings are destroying the world in order to create beauty. as a human being i cannot help being destructive, but i also cannot help being creative. as a human being i am helping to bring about a beautiful apocalypse.

here is my serious photo-diary DRUNK BURP / ROBOT BRAIN:

BOOM

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 10:58:00 +0000

i have three poems at madswirl.

BOOM.

something that scares me a little is the amount of power that google has over almost every human being alive. last week, google accidentally locked a number of blogger accounts because an spam-marking algorithm 'fucked up'. the internet lit 'scene' is completely dependent on google. google 'owns' the internet lit 'scene'. google could delete every blogspot account five minutes from now and destroy the 'blogosphere'. google knows more about me than i know about myself. i am going to make a back-up of my blog now and run away from my computer.

Interview with Wagner Israel Cilio III

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 09:32:00 +0000

Wagner Israel Cilio is an unemployed 22-year-old short-story writer who lives in rural Arkansas in a garage that has been converted into a house. Wagner Israel makes music as 'No One Conquered, Wyoming' and tutors English and has a great degree of faith in humanity.

CONNOR TOMAS O'BRIEN: wagner israel cilio

WAGNER ISRAEL CILIO: connor o'brien

C: did you want to do an 'interview' now

W: 'sure'

C: 'great'

C: ok. what do you 'do with your time'

W: i am unemployed so there is a lot of time. i usually bike to the coffeeshop. i sometimes mow the lawn or weed eat, we live in the country and there is a lot of grass

C: is it your choice to be unemployed

W: no it is not by choice, i have a college degree. i would like to simply sustain myself and be able to have money to not worry about material things

C: i used to want to do that, i'm not sure about my 'ideals' at the moment

W: i have loose guidelines but nothing in stone. we live on a farm. or, i guess in the country

C: i would like to live in the country perhaps

W: do you feel you would change substantially if you moved away from where you live?

C: yes. i would probably feel very good, i like travel a lot

W: i do too, i traveled last summer a lot, i did a tour of homes all around the country

C: what does that mean?

W: well instead of playing music at a legitimate venue i chose to play in living rooms and garages. and the host would bring all his friends for the show and potluck

C: oh 'wow'

W: i feel very self-conscious about this question

C: when people ask about your music?

W: or about anything personal. which i think is why i began questioning you

C: yes i noticed that, i found it 'funny'

W: i must admit, i am working off a fit of "tipsiness" at the moment. i was quite drunk earlier but i had some 'bread'

C: i like your song 'abel' a lot

W: thank you. there was a time when i only wrote songs about people from the bible. i am not religious but i really enjoy the bible as literature

C: i am reading 'the book of mormon' and the new issue of 'vice magazine' simultaneously right now. how did you organise the house shows?

W: from couchsurfing.com

C: i think i would be very nervous

W: connor, i was very nervous. i sometimes have anxiety and having to be "friendly" to new hosts everyday was very draining. i was also nervous because i didn't know if i would have enough money to make it

C: how many people went to the house shows? i think the idea is 'amazing'

W: that depended on the host, sometimes they would forget until i showed up at the door. or sometimes they would be telling their friends for weeks. sometimes i would play to 7 people or sometimes 13 which is a very big number for me. i think the biggest show i played ever was probably 25 people

C: how did you come up with the idea?

W: i had to go to a wedding in california and decided to take the long way

C: do you consider yourself a 'writer' or a 'musician'

W: both i guess, both of them make me feel good. i used to sing hymns to my grandmother when i was little and i used to write little science books for children. i suddenly feel like this is worst interview ever. it's 3:30 in the morning and i am still drunk

C: this is a good interview

W: ok

C: what were you drinking

W: two 24 ozs of but i am embarrassed to say which beer because i will sound like a hipster and it was really just that the beer was on sale and the can looked pretty and the beer was pbr. there.

C: we don't have pbr in australia, why is it hipster

W: i really have no idea why, i just remember someone called me a hipster once when i was drinking it but it was very accusatory and it hurt my feelings. it's also very good for a 'low-brow' beer. and cheap

C: you are a hipster

W: i just watched my roommate leave for work

C: what does your roommate do

W: my roommate works at starbucks, he just moved here but i do not think that he likes it. this is a small town and yesterday he said "this town is full of hot dogs and i'm a t-bone steak". i laughed in his face but i don't think he got it

C: your roommate sounds like he is clint eastwood

W: yeah except he has too many hair care products to be tough

C: who are your favourite authors

W: william saroyan, woody allen, and northrop frye. ok. i am falling asleep. i will tell you everything now. and then i will sleep. when i write, i try to sound like laura ingalls wilder on valium. i dislike fetishizing depression. i am nervous about having an 'positions' on things because i am scared of being proved wrong. thank you for the interview. i will sleep now

C: yes sleep

W: ok

Interview with Tony O'Neill

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 23:51:00 +0000

Tony O'Neill has seen and experienced some pretty 'fucked up shit'. Overdoses, violence, drug addiction, homelessness, petty theft, emotional breakdown, the Brian Jonestown Massacre. Because Tony O'Neill has actually account seen and experienced these things, his account of them is uncliched, moving, and sometimes hilarious. In October his new semi-autobiographical novel 'Down and Out on Murder Mile' will be released, a 'follow-up' to the 'underground classic' 'Digging the Vein'.

CONNOR TOMAS O'BRIEN: On the front cover of your upcoming novel "Down and Out on Murder Mile", there is a blurb from Sam Jordison from the Guardian calling you, "a man who has taken the term rock'n'roll poet to its furthest edges." What is a 'rock and roll poet' do you think? Are you a 'rock and roll poet'?

TONY O'NEILL: Well, it has quite a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Gives you the impression that I sit around writing poems and trashing hotel rooms when I get bored… I gotta tell you, I don’t really know what a rock and roll poet is. It’s something that got said, and it looked good, so we stuck it on the cover. Do I consider myself a “rock and roll poet”? No. I’m just a guy who writes. I’m not precious about poetry. A lot of people take themselves very seriously when they write poetry. As if poetry is this precious fragile thing that has a capital P and has to be written and read in a state of extreme reverence. I don’t think that. That kind of attitude turns me off completely.

But should poetry have some of rock and rolls energy and aggression? Sure. I listen to a lot of music when I write. I am influenced by music in how I write. What I’m listening to definitely does seep into my writing and how I express myself.

CONNOR: You used to be in the Brian Jonestown Massacre for a while. I don't know if that annoys you, people bringing that up. Are you in any bands right now? What bands do you listen to when you are writing?

TONY: No, that doesn’t bother me at all. I mean I find it funny. I wrote about in my first book because it was a funny story, and just a catalogue of druggy incompetence. But most of what I remember of it was more to do with the drugs we were taking than the music we played. I mean we barely played music. We spent most of our time just sitting around getting high and talking about playing music.

I’m not in any bands right now. I just don’t have that drive to play music. I wouldn’t want to be in a band at the moment. There comes a point in your life when you realize that you are never going to write a song as perfect and beautiful as “Sad Song” by Lou Reed, or “When You Sleep” by My Bloody Valentine, and then – well, why bother? There’s enough mediocre musicians in the world, I don’t need to be another one. I mean I put a lot of dedication and thought into what I do – whatever I do, whether it be making music, shooting heroin, writing books, tying my shoelaces, whatever. I put as much dedication into it as I do into breathing. So when something isn’t working anymore – it’s gone.

I listen to a lot of different sounds when I write. I don’t tend to listen to stuff that I can hear the lyrics too well on otherwise I find myself listening and not typing. So either instrumental stuff like Albert Ayler, Ornette Coleman, King Tubby, or just intense noise like My Bloody Valentine or the Jesus and Mary Chain.

Bad Brains, Neu, David Bowie’s “Low”… that kind of stuff.

CONNOR: "Down and Out On Murder Mile" is 'due' on October 28th. Can you type a little bit about it? Also, it is being published by Harper Perennial, which I think of as a 'big shot' publisher, are you excited about that? How are you going to celebrate the launch?

TONY: “Down and out on Murder Mile” is a continuation of what I was doing with “Digging the Vein”. It’s based upon the period that I left Los Angeles and moved to London. It’s the story of my second marriage, to a woman who was also a heroin addict. Murder Mile is a stretch in East London where they had more shooting per capita that Johannesburg. That’s where we lived, and that’s where the drugs and the methadone clinic were. It’s also the first thing I have written which touches upon how I quit heroin, what my motivations for doing that were… it’s certainly the most “naked” thing I have ever written.

It’s a more hopeful book than Digging the Vein, and I’m really pleased with how it came out. I mean the fact that it got picked up by Harper Perennial is amazing. After the call came, there was a long period where I just couldn’t believe it was happening. I don’t really consider myself a mainstream writer, so partly my reaction was “are they mad?” But Perennial in the states are run by a very smart, literate woman called Carrie Kania, and she is somehow managing to balance running a business with having good taste. I mean they just picked up a real literary hero of mine, Dan Fante. They signed Dennis Cooper. They have people like Sebastian Horsley, a man who claims to have fucked over 10,000 prostitutes and once had himself crucified in the Philippines. They had a New York Times bestseller from Josh Kilmer Purcell who was writing about his time as a drag queen in New York, and his affair with a rich crack head. They’re taking risks, and I love that.

Well, when the book comes out there will be a lot of alcohol consumed, I can promise that. But you know my head is on the next one. I’m just writing, writing, writing. I’m doing a book of short stories for the French at the moment, a new house called 13th Note Press. I can’t assume that anything will change because my book came out on Harper Perennial. I just have to keep writing what I want to write and hoping that people are gonna want to read it.

CONNOR: Do you have enough material for a 'sequel to the sequel' of Digging the Vein or are you moving in a different direction with the short stories you are working on?

TONY: Oh yes. I mean a good period of using heroin and you’ll save up enough stories to last a lifetime. A lot of shit tends to happen to you when you’re living that lifestyle… but a lot of my newer stories are not autobiographical. They inhabit the same “world” as stuff like Digging the Vein, but they are fictional. Some of the stuff gets absurd and surreal. The subject mater varies, one called “Balls” is about a guy who gets drugged and castrated by a prostitute. He survives, although he hasn’t got any balls anymore. He ends up churning out bestselling novels. Another, “Bill Bailey” is about a guy who picks up a girl at a bar, and gets roped into killing her neighbor’s dog because it barks too much. I wrote a story about a guy who steals a suitcase for drug money, and when he opens it finds a child’s penis and dismembered fingers inside of it.

After Down and Out on Murder Mile, I think I might stay away from another book about my own life for now. I’m working on a totally fictional novel that’s too early on to really talk about. Co-writing “Hero of the Underground” really gave me a sense of freedom about what subject matter I could tackle. I mean, that book is about drugs, but it’s also about fame, and the world of pro football. Before I started writing the book I had never even SEEN a game of pro football, not even on TV. I mean I am not a sports guy. But being able to learn about that and (I feel) write about it in a convincing way really showed me that there was no subject matter that was off limits anymore.

Except chick lit.

CONNOR: The fictional 'world' that you are creating for your short stories seems simultaneously very funny and very violent. What 'draws you' to writing about absurd acts of violence? Can violence be 'funny'?

TONY: Well, I write what I know. The world is full of absurd acts of violence; we live in a violent world. I am an angry person. The world makes me angry. Elections make me angry, and the laws make me angry, and that’s what I write out of. A mix of anger, and the confusing urge to laugh at it all.

When I was seven I saw what was probably the funniest and darkest thing I have ever seen. There was an English comedian called Tommy Cooper. He was on a live broadcast, one of those variety show type things that would be on TV on Saturday evening in England in the 1980’s. So the curtain goes up. He does a few routines, and gets laughs. Then he goes through this very intense preparation for something. His thing is that he wears a fez; you know those little red hats with the tassels. So he adjusts his fez, his collar, basically he’s getting ready for something. It goes on for a while, and the anticipation is building. There are giggles. What is he going to do next? He walks to the front of the stage. He opens his arms to the audience. Stands perfectly still.

And then he falls back, perfect pratfall, bam! Onto the floor. It’s so strange and absurd that everybody bursts out laughing. The curtain goes down, and everybody thinks it’s the funniest shit they’ve ever seen. So weird and unexpected.

Later they announce that he’d had a heart attack and died. So we all watched him die, and not only that, we laughed at him as he died.

I suppose that’s the kind of feeling I want to evoke in my writing. An uncomfortable collusion. We’re laughing, or smiling, or just getting a hard on over what we’re reading, but we’re not sure if we should do.

I hope that made some sense to you. But yes, violence can be funny. I mean anything can be funny, it depends how you present it. So that’s one side of my writing. The other side, I suppose, is about exposing myself, my guts, letting people take a peek inside. I write about my past a lot because I am still trying to make sense of it, and come to terms with it. There is a lot of darkness inside of me, and getting clean from drugs did nothing to lighten it. Hubert Selby Jr, one of my favorite authors, once said something like: “When you quit dope, that’s when you realize just how dark you really are…” and it’s something that rings very true for me. So I guess I’ve moved on a little from trying to make sense of my past, to trying to make sense of the person I see in the mirror. Now I have to think about “what made me want to inject heroin and cocaine into myself 7, 8, 9, 10 times day for years and years?”

There are a lot of writers right now, young writers, and the scene is really thriving. And sometimes we all get banded together, as if by fluke of geography or age we are somehow a gang. But for me, the writers I really feel affinity with are the ones who are obviously fucked up and they are trying to make sense of the world.

Those are the ones who speak to me. The fucking maniacs.

Mormons don't know bout agnostic existential despair forever

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 11:33:00 +0000

'post-modern art installation'

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 09:49:00 +0000

I am conducting interviews with authors of serious literature

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:06:00 +0000

If you would like to be interviewed please leave a comment.

Do not feel 'selfish' for wanting to be interviewed.

If you are not an author of serious literature then suggest someone else to be interviewed.

Actually I will interview anyone.

'What the fuck'.

I will post the interview here and also in a magazine I am sub-editing with a circulation of 15,000.

I am interviewing Noah Cicero and Tony O'Neill 'at present'.

Interview with Zachary German

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 03:06:00 +0000

Zachary German's book 'Eat When You Feel Sad' has already been published as an e-book by Bear Parade and now it is going to be published in longer form as a book by a prestigious 'alternative' publisher. 'Eat When You Feel Sad' is about Robert who rides a bike, listens to the radio, listens to 'Eve of Destruction by Barry McGuire, and drinks Elephant malt liquor. It is written in simple non-abstract sentences. There is a review of 'Eat When You Feel Sad' here. Zachary German was shit-talked here. There is a promotional video for 'Eat When You Feel Sad' here.

ZACHARY GERMAN: hello

CONNOR TOMAS O'BRIEN: hi what time is it in america?

Z: 8:25

Z: is it 10pm there

Z: 8:25 am here

C: yes it's 9.56pm

C: is it saturday today, i get confused

C: for you i mean

Z: friday here

Z: how about you

C: friday

Z: nice

C: hmm i feel stupid saying 'do you want to start the interview'

Z: sure lets start

C: okay well first maybe could you type a bit about what is going on with zachary german as a serious author (like your publishing deal for 'eat when you feel sad')

Z: i submitted 'eat when you feel sad' to two publishers. one accepted, the other said they were interested but it needs work. i am meeting with the second publisher this afternoon.

C: what are you talking about with them?

Z: ways to make it better probably.

Z: i hope they say 'we'll publish it if you make it better.'

C: is the second publisher 'better' than the first one?

Z: no. they are the same amount good. i would just feel better if more people wanted to publish me. i would tell both publishers that i was going with them and not the other one, and then they would both publish my novel, or start to, and then at some point they would realize what was happening, and stop publishing my book, and i would 'get in trouble.' that's what i want.

C: that sounds good. i think that would be exciting.

C: can you give 'eat when you feel sad' a blurb so that the people who read this interview will go out and buy two copies of your book as soon as it is published?

Z: 'voice of a generation.'

C: how many people do you think will buy your book or would you like to buy your book?

Z: i want 100,000 people to buy my book. i think 80,000 people will buy my book.

C: do you feel like a 'part of something' in new york, there seems to be a lot of poetry readings and funny serious literature things happening in ny

Z: the only writer here i feel like i'm in the same thing with is 'tao lin' sometimes. there are other writers that i'm friends with but i don't really feel like i'm part of the same thing as them.

C: do you think are you more 'influenced' by 'contemporary' writers like tao lin and noah cicero and ellen kennedy, or older writers like ernest hemingway?

Z: contemporary.

Z: i think you could make a graph

Z: um

Z: nevermind.

Z: contemporary.

C: the graph sounded complicated

C: you have been 'shit-talked' a few times on the internet, what do you think about being 'shit-talked'?

Z: i feel happy when people talk about me. it's funny.

C: have you seen the new batman movie? i feel as though i need to include something about the new batman movie in this interview

Z: oh yeah. i like it a lot. i've seen it twice. i was going to see it last night but it was sold out. i like it a lot. heath ledger's 'the joker' is really good. so is 'batman.' so is 'harvey dent.' i think they are all really good characters. i like them all. i like the new batman. i want to marry it.

Z: i think i am like 'the joker.'

C: i wanted to hate it because everybody else liked it but then i watched it and now i feel sad that heath ledger died

C: the joker was good, his character 'made sense' to me.

C: do you read any comics or anything?

Z: i read two 'adrian tomine' books. i don't read comics.

C: i like adrian tomine, i have a poster by him on my wall.

C: i feel like i should concentrate on your writing somehow for the interview. do you think that you have a 'writing style'? how has your 'writing style' changed over time?

Z: in fiction, my writing style is simple declarative sentences. in poetry i don't think i have a writing style, or it's harder to define. a year ago i was writing a lot differently. it was 'stream of conscious' i think. after reading tao and other people, i started writing with mostly declarative sentences. while editing my novel i started using only simple declarative sentences.

C: is there a reason why you use only simple declarative sentences, how do you think it changes the 'feel' of what you write?

Z: i just want it to be really easy to read. the children's publishing market is booming i think.

C: i've been reading a lot of old children's books recently, like the old babar books from the 1940s and winnie the pooh, i think they are more 'complex' than people give them 'credit' for

C: um

C: what do you think of being called a 'hipster writer'

Z: i want there to be t-shirts that say 'hipster' or 'not a hipster' and i want to see teenagers wearing them. i want to be a 'hipster writer.' have i been called that? are you calling me that?

C: maybe. yes i am.

C: i think a hipster is just a person who was not 'cool' at high school and then after high school learned how to have an intense degree of control over their 'image', i don't know, does that define you.

Z: no i was always really cool. i loved high school.

C: maybe you were always a hipster then

Z: i think i was the first hipster

Z: norman mailer was referring to me in 'the white negro'

Z: i think

Z: or my older brother

C: you and your older brother invented 'hipster'

Z: i think so

Z: what's it like in australia

C: it is raining right now

C: i live in adelaide, it is a bit boring, everybody wants to live in melbourne or new york

C: what is it like in new york

Z: really cool

Z: i used to live in 'philadelphia'

Z: everyone wanted to live in new york

Z: i wanted to live in new york

Z: now i live in new york

Z: it's really cool

C: did you move to new york by yourself

Z: yes

C: i was expecting you to say, "new york isn't as good as people think it is"

Z: 'new york isn't as good as people think it is'

Z: but i think it's better than other places

Z: i don't know

Z: it's

Z: really cool

Z: syke

Z: it's okay

C: okay is 'good'

C does tony o'neill live in new york?

C: i am interviewing him as well

Z: yes he does

Z: he lives in 'queens'

C: 'flushing, queens', i know about that from start of 'the nanny'

Z: i think the woman from 'the nanny' is attractive

Z: or was, in some 'old navy' commercials with a monkey

C: fran drescher?

Z: yes

C: how big was the poetry reading you had last week, the 'largest' you have 'ever had?

Z: fifty people

C: do you have poetry reading groupies, i'm not sure how poetry readings work in new york

Z: no poetry readings groupies. 'i wish.'

Z: i have to get dressed to leave for work in ten minutes.

C: that's okay, where do you work

Z: i walk dogs

C: really

Z: yes

C: oh well that sounds fun

Z: it's okay

C: thanks for being interviewed

Z: thank you

Z: good night

C: good morning

Ninety-seven percent of people are stupid and three percent of people are hipsters.

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 10:46:00 +0000

If you think you are not a hipster then you are a hipster.

It is meaningless being a middle-class white person.

Everything will be all right if you can attain an intense degree of control over your self-image.

Everything will be all right if you can remain intensely judgemental of every other human being in existence.

Do not talk to any other human being and your extremely high level of self-esteem can be maintained indefinitely.

If you stare blankly into the distance for the rest of existence you can never possible be ‘fucked with’ by another human being.

If you must laugh, laugh inside the confines of your brain.

Laugh all of the time at how stupid ninety-seven percent of people can be almost all of the time.

There are certain records that when played backwards do not sound good.

It takes a certain level of stupidity to believe in the existence of God.

Severe depression and moderate intelligence correlate absolutely.

When Heath Ledger died some people who did not know him felt sadness.

Social cohesion is based on people believing that certain inconsequential events are ‘incredibly important’.

The ‘human enterprise’.

A ‘grand plan’ for humanity.

I think there is probably a blueprint for living in the cellar of somebody's house maybe.

I don’t care about being ‘manipulated’ so long as the ongoing process of ‘manipulation’ is enjoyable at all times.

Please get ‘fucked up’ with me on Saturday night otherwise I will probably feel alone and uncomfortable.

All life is, is making a choice and then making another choice.

All choices are equally ‘wrong’.

The central point of every human being’s life philosophy is a hallucination.

If my hallucination is not similar to yours we cannot communicate.

If nobody shares your hallucination you will feel unutterably alienated from the rest of humanity.

That's probably not as bad as it sounds.

‘Sexually-explicit socially-progressive clothing company advertisement.’

‘Overwhelming need for self-definition on a massive scale.’

‘Vegetarian diet boom.’

‘Rayban.’

‘American Apparel.’

‘Vice Magazine.’

‘Apple Computer.’

‘Polaroid.’

Beautiful.

Money money money money money

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:36:00 +0000

How much money does it cost to 'get by' living as a writer?

$15,000 a year I think is 'perfect'.

If you drive a scooter, don't have children or a mortgage, are thinking about potentially purchasing a cat, and visit the dentist regularly, $15,000 is more than enough to cover a year's expenses.

To be happy you only need to have a certain amount of money, and spend that money wisely. $15,000 is about right I think.

The 'right' things to spend money on are:

'high quality' basic organic staple foods
a few basic clothes that make you look extremely sexy but will not 'date' quickly
housing in a 'vibrant' community with access to a beautiful park or garden
an Apple laptop
a few pieces of nice-looking furniture (some Ikea furniture looks nice)
'deeply meaningful' books, magazines, and films
six different sorts of tea
alcohol, cigarettes and recreational drugs (these are optional extras)

If you own a few high-quality possessions, then you are able to take the time to appreciate what you have. If you own too much, then you aren't able to properly appreciate what you have and everything just seems like a 'lot of shit'.

Never buy what you can get for free. Use Bittorrent to download movies and music and computer applications. Read literature and newspapers and magazines online where possible. If you like a band or a director or a computer programmer or a writer, then send them an email and ask them how you can send them money directly. Buy t-shirts second-hand. Do not use central heating. Switch off at the powerpoint. Don't buy cafe coffee. Carry a flask around with you whenever you go out to avoid having to pay for overpriced drinks. Use eBay sometimes maybe.

Being frugal does not mean being a 'boring tight-ass shit who never has any fun'. Being frugal means only spending money on things that will maximise your enjoyment of life.

"But this is how Paris was in the early days when we were very poor and very happy."
-- Ernest Heminway, The Sun Also Rises

I just realised that I need to buy a cat.

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 10:05:00 +0000

All serious writers own cats. Small cats that are capable of making delightful faces and having delightftul adventures. Cats that one is able to write sentimental poems about. Cats that one is able to write about in offhanded blog entries. Cats that one is able to pose with for photographs that one is then able to use for publicity material on online literary journals. How the fuck can I be respected as a serious writer if I don’t own a cat. I need a cat and an Apple iPhone and then I will finally be happy. Can somebody PayPal me enough money to buy a cat. You will be supporting the development of an artist. You will be supporting the production of serious literature. The benefits are obvious.

Ongoing List of Good Online Lit Journals

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:42:00 +0000

Here is a list of good online lit journals to read and submit to. If you know any more then please comment and I will update.

Lamination Colony (The intention of Lamination Colony is to published 'fucked up' literature. Everything at Lamination Colony is interesting and high quality. Lamination Colony is sometimes considered an online literature 'institution'. Lamination Colony is edited by Blake Butler who seems pretty cool. The layout of Lamination Colony is 'stunning'.)
No Posit (Edited by Ken Baumann. Lamination Colony and No Posit are the 'twin pillars' holding up the 'internet lit scene'.)
Elimae (If you submit work to Elimae, you will get a response within 20 or so hours which is impressive. Elimae publishes emotive and 'experimental' short stories and poems. The look of the site is very simple. Elimae is for people who consider their writing 'serious literature' but do not make a living from their writing. 'Serious amateurs'.)
Seventy Two Words (Seventy Two Words is a blog where every story is seventy two words long. It has a more specific audienec than Six Sentences [below]. Seventy Two Words is a good way to see a smattering of writing from different writers.)
Six Sentences (Six Sentences is a blog updated a couple of times a day with six sentence stories. Some of the stories are good and some are bad. Because Six Sentences is a blog, you can comment on the stories. A lot of the comments people leave are highly analytical and try to deconstruct the stories into their 'component syntax' and 'underlying meanings', and I often find I like the comments more interesting than the stories.)
Dicey Brown (Dicey Brown is not updated very often, but it is always of 'high quality' and has been around since 2002, giving it 'credibility'. Mazie Louise Montgomery edits Dicey Brown and seems nice. If you have earnest-funny-depressed-neutral stories around 500 words, Dicey Brown seems to be a good place to submit to.)
Bear Parade (If you write funny-depressed-sarcastic-neutral e-books, the best place that you can get them published online is Bear Parade. If you get published in Bear Parade, you know you have 'made it'.)
Robot Melon (I think Robot Melon was conceived as an alternate version of Bear Parade for poems, short stories, essays, and visual art. So far three issues have been published. It is easier to get published in Robot Melon than Bear Parade. Robot Melon may be considered a 'stepping stone' to getting published in Bear Parade, although so far nobody has 'made the leap', as far as I can tell.)
Spooky Boyfriend (Spooky Boyfriend is a new poetry journal, only one issue has been published so far. People seem to be liking it on the 'blogosphere'. The poems are quite nice. The poems are not as neutral or ironic as at 3:AM Magazine [below], but they are 'in the same vein' and are written by people who know people who have poems published at 3:AM. There are connections.)
Paperwall (Samuel Cole edits Paperwall. Every new issue is a single PDF page of poems and stories. It is probably not that difficult to get into Paperwall but there has been some good content. Another plus is that, if you happen to get rejected, Samuel Cole will reject you quickly and will probably be quite nice about it.)
Bear Creek Feed (I'm not sure if this is still running, but it takes long-form stories around 1500-5000 words. So far it has only published two stories, but I liked both of them a lot.)
Zafusy (This poetry site is quite pretentious, but sometimes alright if you are in the mood. If you are not in the mood the poems will not make any sense and will make you angry at how stupid people can be. Zafusy says, "We prize syntactical inventiveness for the purposes of heightening emotional or symbolic impact." It probably is fairly difficult to get published at Zafusy, but I doubt anybody reading this blog would want to, except as a joke.)
3:AM Magazine Poetry (I only really pay attention to the poetry section of 3:AM. It is edited by Tao Lin I think. All of the poems are good on 3:AM. 3:AM is the 'Bear Parade' of funny-depressed-sarcastic-neutral poetry.)
Juked (Juked publishes short stories and poetry. Juked has been around since 1999 and is regarded as an internet literature 'touchstone'. Juked does not really publish much funny-depressed-sarcastic-neutral-hipster fiction or poetry. Most of the stories are too serious for me but I have included Juked because it is of 'historical importance'. I don't think anybody who has anything published at Juked knows anybody who has had anything published at 3:AM or Robot Melon.)

There are more.

Family Dinners

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 01:42:00 +0000

Every time my parents take me out to dinner on a Saturday night for ‘family time’ my dad always drives us to the busiest restaurant in town where the tables are all reserved, and my mum has a minor psychological breakdown when she finds out that we can’t get a table for another hour and says to my dad, “Let’s just go home”, in a very resigned and heartbreaking voice, and my dad says, “Jesus Christ, we will just find somewhere else”, and my mum says, “It’s easier for me to just cook something at home, can we please just go home?”, and my dad says, “We will find another restaurant, it’s not that difficult to just find another restaurant”, and my mum says, “Don’t start a fight with me, I’m not the one who thinks it’s a good idea to drive around at seven thirty on a Saturday evening looking for non-existent restaurant tables”, and my dad says, “I’m not starting any fights, I’m just saying that it’s entirely possible to find another restaurant”, and then we find a restaurant and read the menu and talk about how our food tastes and my mum says that her lamb is delicious and then looks at me and says, "Sorry", because she remembers that I am a vegetarian.

Sex-Related Link Overload

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 12:00:00 +0000

Sasha Grey is a twenty-year-old pornstar who talks about existentialism and how pornstars are the new barbarians.

When Sasha Grey was eighteen she got interviewed by Tyra Banks and Tyra Banks tried to make Sasha Grey feel guilty about being a pornstar.

Punk rock fans used to eat Lydia Lunch's used tampons and I think that is a good thing.

Richard Kern shoots sexual photos of naked people and I like the photos.

Some people think that because Richard Kern shoots sexual photos of naked people that he must be a pervert.

There is a discussion on a forum about whether there is anything immoral about being a pornstar and a mother.

Somebody at the University of Pennsylvania calls online porn the "most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today."

Kendra Grant Malone wrote a poem about period sex and an anonymous commenter thought it was immature.

Zachary German wrote a poem called 'THERE IS A GIRL IN PORN CALLED LIZ VICIOUS AND I LIKE LIZ VICIOUS'.

Dadanoias takes nude photos of herself and posts them on Flickr regularly and I find her fascinating and wonder about her 'motivations'.

I have new things published here.

I am going to make a significant life change

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 01:24:00 +0000

In this gmail chat between Brandon Scott Gorrell and Matthew Savoca, I found out that neither Matthew nor Brandon wash their hair for two weeks at a time, and neither of them like to use shampoo.

Matthew talked about how "the natural oils are good for your hair, [and] you should [not] wash them out very often." I have often wondered what the point of shampooing is. Animals don't shampoo and most animals have lovely hair.

I didn't use shampoo this morning and I am feeling good about the decision. I may keep this up. I think the natural oils in my hair will give me super powers.

I am not sure if I am a vegetarian because I am a good person or because I am a self-righteous arsehole.

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 09:46:00 +0000

After I read Animal Liberation by Peter Singer I became vegan for a week until I got drunk and made an omelette for myself when you weren’t looking.

I negatively judge anybody who owns Nike shoes.

I negatively judge anybody who doesn’t own Nike shoes just because they want to make a statement about respecting human rights.

I negatively judge anybody who has less than 2143 songs on their mp3 player.

I negatively judge anybody who has over 9040 songs on their mp3 player.

I negatively judge anybody who talks about how many songs they have on their mp3 player.

Every time you turn on the central heating I tell you that central heating is the leading cause of global warming and turn it off again.

I negatively judge anybody who doesn’t have Facebook, a blog, and Flickr, Hypemachine, Last.fm, Tumblr, Muxtape and Vimeo accounts.

I don’t negatively judge anybody who has a Myspace account, but I negatively judge anybody who posts bulletins with their Myspace account.

I drive a motor scooter which does 80 kilometres to the litre so that when we reach peak oil I will not feel as guilty as you will.

I negatively judge anybody who has a favourite football team.

I negatively judge anybody who watches sport to affirm their masculinity.

I negatively judge anybody who drinks beer to affirm their masculinity.

I negatively judge anybody who reads celebrity gossip to affirm their femininity.

I don’t negatively judge anybody who wears perfume, but I negatively judge anybody who wears perfume to smell more like other people of their gender.

I negatively judge anybody who doesn’t think cross-dressing looks like fun.

I negatively judge anybody who talks about dieting when they aren’t really all that fat.

I don’t negatively judge McDonald’s, but I negatively judge people who are clearly fat who go to McDonald’s.

I print out an essay about deforestation on 87 sheets of recycled paper.

patently untrue stupid story about different people

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:05:00 +0000

When I was in my last year of high school, my older sister drove my dad’s car into a tree.

She sent me a mobile phone message at two thirty in the morning which said, “matt i am fucked, what should i do, i crashed the car”. I was still awake studying for my finishing exams and I had eaten some caffeine tablets and was feeling very awake so I drove my bike all the way down to where she was.

There wasn’t an ambulance or anybody else there. It was just my sister standing by the side of the car and slamming the roof of the car with her fist. The front of the car was all smashed up into the base of a tree. It was pretty dark.

“That was stupid,” I said.

“Shut up,” my sister said.

“Are you drunk?” I said.

“No,” she said.

“Are you lying?” I said.

My sister walked around to the front of the car and looked at the bonnet, which was crumpled. She lay her arms on the bonnet and put her head on top of her arms and didn’t say anything. I thought about my exams and how studies show that falling into regular sleeping patterns allow one to perform at one’s intellectual peak.

“I have an exam on Thursday,” I said. “I need to fall into a regular sleeping pattern.”

“What should I do?” said my sister.

“I think that you should get a job so that you can pay for the damage. That’s what I think.”

“No way,” said my sister. “It’s their fault. They didn’t buy me a car. If they had bought me a car like I asked them to then I wouldn’t have fucked up their car.”

“What,” I said.

“This car is really badly made. The steering is shit. If they bought me my a BMW this wouldn’t have happened. BMWs are better.”

“You’re drunk,” I said.

My sister took my bicycle and tried to ride away on it but she couldn’t steer properly and kept falling over.

“You work this out,” said my sister.

“I am confused now,” I said.

Pretentious Art-School Analysis of the "Internet" School of Poetry

noreply@blogger.com (Connor Tomas O'Brien) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 05:09:00 +0000

In an interview with Tao Lin on Tao's blog, Mazie Louise Montgomery said:

"I had this notion that there would end up being some "Internet" school of poetry, though not called that. I don't know what I thought it would be called. Maybe we should get together and decide what that is going to be called before its too late. I don't think that's too ballsy. I really don't."

This is what I can see as what brings the writers in the "Internet" school together (and I don't want to sound like an arsehole pretentious English student here, but won't be able to help it):

- a belief that all abstract words and concepts are basically meaningless

- a belief that all poetry must be completely personal and connected to the author, and must express things that are "embarrassing", or reveal vulnerabilities about the poet

- a tendency towards simple, easily-accessible language

- a tendency to question anything that is "self-evidently true"

- using nonsense and humour to destroy the seriousness of what is being explored

The problem is that, by trying to define the "Internet" school, a person would have to put limits on what is possible, would destroy the inclusivity of the "movement", and also destroy (through analysis) the fun and "aliveness" of what exists.

But here is what I also think: something exists, something that is very different to any other fiction and poetry I have ever read before. So I think that I agree with Mazie that it probably isn't too ballsy to try to come up with a name or something, because then more people will pay attention and what does exist will gain more publicity, which means more hits on blogs, and ultimately more books read (if that stage is ever reached).